I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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