every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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