Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
