you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
