Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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