I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I've blown a few things in my day
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
