walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
