answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
