is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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