i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
