The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
