Apparently you make a good broom.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
