How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
