I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
She bit a glass in half.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
This is my gift to your gina
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
