It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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