My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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