I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
