I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Boobs speak an international language.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Randomize
