Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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