At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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