its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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