I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
