Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
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