Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
