It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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