Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
