I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
