It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
