Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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