Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
