Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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