girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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