If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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