If that was your dad, he is hot
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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