The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Randomize
