There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Randomize
