TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
only you would photoshop your dick
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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