Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
