Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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