I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
My cat gives me a boner
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
