Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
