I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
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