You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
