i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
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