talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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