Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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