i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
