I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
