She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Randomize
