What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I want a musical about memes.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
