I wish I could punch you in the face.
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize