Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
