Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Too much gin, very little bucket
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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