I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
wat bout pragnant strippers??
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
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