Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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