He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
