I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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