Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
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