and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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