we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
